Chapter 4

OK, my last post was far too caught up in detail. I'm going to try and respond to general thoughts and principles in the chapters, instead of responding piece by piece to the entire chapter.

This chapter took several great leaps in interpretation of Scripture, as the authors described a daughter’s role towards her father. The chapter focused on a daughter’s duty to give her father her heart and how she could serve him, build him up, care for him, etc. At the core of their philosophy, I continue to see two concerns.

First, the authors see every woman’s ultimate purpose as serving a man. “Is every girl called to be her father’s helper? As we stated before, every woman is, by nature, a man’s helper. You are a helper, no matter what your age or marital status. The choice before you and every other young woman isn’t, ‘to help or not to help?’ It’s who to help. Can you imagine a man more deserving of your devotion and assistance, someone whom you love and trust more than your own father?” (page 42)* This words directly contradict 1 Corinthians 7: 33, which states, “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.” This verse does not negate the command for children to honor their parents, but it does clearly reveal a distinction between the unmarried and married woman’s role and purpose. It makes no mention of the unmarried woman’s duty to care for her father; that is the mother’s (wife’s) place. The unmarried woman's focus is clearly to be devoted to the Lord.

Secondly, this chapter begins to talk about the daughter's duty to give her father her heart. Honestly, this part made me laugh. It concerns me, but the Scripture reference was so twisted that I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows. The book states: "Proverbs 23:26 suggests, in paraphrased form, that daughters must give fathers their hearts, 'and let your eyes observe my ways'." (page 39) I went and looked up the Scripture reference. You know what it says? "My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways." And this right after the chapter emphasized how woman have a specific duty to men! You could argue that the command to "my son" is generally referring to children, not just sons, but the next verse (vs 27) continues, "For a prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well." This verse is obviously addressed to male children. And even if we did understand it as applying to children in general, it would negate their point that daughters have specific duties toward their father that sons do not.

My major practical concern is that their principle of giving your father your heart can border on emotional incest and/or encourages an almost god-like worship of the father. Consider these excerpts:
"If he [her father], for instance, has a preference in the colors that I wear, I seek to honor him by finding that out and dressing in a way that would please him." (page 35)
"If a girl has a deep, abiding inner reverence for her father, she will value every good thing about him. She will want to understand him, what he does, and why." (page 38)
"She [an honoring daughter] will train into herself a great appreciation for the good, admirable things about her father and think the most exalted thoughts of them." (page 39)
"It is my duty as a girl and as a daughter, to seek out what pleases him, and what makes him strong in his vision, so that I too can embrace his vision and make his passions my passions." (page 41)
"We have a friend who used to ask us, very kingly, but pointedly, 'Do you get your father's slippers for him?'...His point was, Are you helping your father even in small things which he might never ask help with? These things that will simply make his life more comfortable and pleasurable. Things that will simply bring joy to his heart and make him more free to accomplish the work that God has given him." (page 48)

I thought about and realized, if you took many of the principles these girl shared and applied them to wives instead of daughters, I would agree and support them (minus the idea that a woman is created solely for helping a man; she does have room to be her own person). It's because they take the wife's role and begin to apply it to daughters that I am so concerned!

The other major issue I had with this chapter is one that a friend has brought up before. He told me that his concern with Vision Forum is that they promote a family religion rather than a individual one - i.e., the emphasis is on the family's duties toward each other and the father's spiritual leadership to the point where individual family members are not given room to develop their own walk with God and their own convictions (particularly where they differ with the parents), even as they grow into adulthood. I saw this illustrated throughout this chapter, but this post is long enough, so I will save that for later.

Any thoughts/criticism is welcome!

*This and all references taken from: Botkin, Anna Sofia & Elizabeth. So Much More: the Remarkable Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God. 1st. San Antonio, TX: Vision Forum, Inc., 2005.